The Chili Bomb Diaries: Seattle Summer and Time to Go

So.

I went home to Seattle for two weeks in July. It was a great chance for me to come off of all of the stress of work and everything that happened in the beginning of the month with the layoffs. Of course, going back to the US and back home has its own special kind of stress. Here just going to Mae Sot and walking into the coffee shop over-stimulates me, so Seattle feels like a major shock to my delicate system.

Wonderful news was that I was in town for a friend from high school’s wedding. I hadn’t seen her or a bunch of other people who were there for a long long time, so it was great to go and catch up and it was really fun to get dressed up. I never get to dress up. I was very happy for her and she looked fantastic and she had a gorgeous wedding outside on a lovely, cool, Seattle summer day. Who could want more?

Going back to Thailand was a little frightening. I didn’t know what the dynamic would be like with so few people left in town and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about everything. Turns out, everything was very quiet and, as much as I love Umphang, and as much I thought I wouldn’t be ready to leave it, it became apparent in the first few weeks back from the states that it’s just about time to go. There’s been so much change, but far more importantly, I’ve done what I set out to do. I got the program up and running. I created teams of staff in each camp, I piloted programs, I built offices. And, given my experience and skill set, I think it’s actually probably much better for someone new to come in with a fresh perspective and new energy and carry the ball forward. I’m sad to go. I adore everyone else here, I adore people here in Umphang and I’m going to hate to leave them, but I don’t really see what would be achieved by my staying much longer. I’m going to have to go eventually and now is a very natural time in the development of my program for me to pass the torch.

So, at the end of Ocotber, I will be moving on. First to meditate for 3 weeks in a monastery in Chiang Mai, to learn to deal with my rage, as a friend here used to say (though I’m pretty sure she had no rage whatsoever) then on to Laos and Vietnam for two weeks before going home for the holidays and then on to a new adventure. This life is hard sometimes but also a grand adventure.

In a way, I wish I could stay. I’ve learned so much, and surely that could be useful especially as livelihoods become more important on the border as donors get exhausted and people start looking for ways to close down the camps. Livelihoods will be essential! I’m sure every organization will prioritize them or at least start to think about them more seriously in the next few years, but I could go crazy here waiting for that to happen and it’s more important that I keep learning. I’m more useful to the world that way, I think.

Anyway, I’m sad but it’s time. This is difficult but it’s life.

And with that…until next time,

Mollie

The Chili Bomb Diaries: Grants End, China, Trouble in Paradise

Lordy it’s been ages since I wrote anything much about what I’ve been up to. In the time since my last post I’ve completed the grant period, gone to China and seen some crazy things happen here at ARC.

Duller things first. Miraculously, the ARC Micro Enterprise Development Team managed to finish the grant period successfully, meeting all of our objectives for the grant period. I wasn’t so sure we could do it when I became coordinator back in January, but some great staff hires and a lot of hard work later, we did it! We now have our offices and programs up and running full steam ahead in all 3 camps of operation. And the last coordinator said it couldn’t be done. Eat your heart out!

Exhausted, I planned a trip, a sort of reward for myself in June, once all of the reporting for the grant year was finished. I went to Beijing for a week to visit my college roommate and lovely friend Mallory who has been living and working in China for two years.

She’s awesome. Also, I was going to CHINA. This was also awesome. It was like winning the lottery twice, good friend and new travel adventure all at once.

First thing was to get my visa. If you read back over the postings on this blog from my time in Bolivia, you will see that I love bureaucracy. A LOT. The Chinese consulate in Bangkok and the visa process was no exception to any other bureaucratic circus EXCEPT that this one involved a footrace. Really. It was great. Like you do for most bureaucratic nightmares, I prepared by getting my forms in order (using the form off of THEIR website) and going early to wait in what I presumed was a line in front of the building before it opened. When 8:30 came, the building opened, and instead of proceeding down the hall and up the stairs to the second floor in a generally non-violent, non-confrontational mass, everyone took off running. Well, I’m American, and naturally competitive, and a jogger to boot, so I took off running with everyone and, though caught off guard by the whole thing and in spite of wearing heels, came in 6th out of about 30 people. Thank God, because I still had to wait half an hour. This waiting was a mixed blessing, though, because the form from the Chinese consular services webpage was incorrect and I had to fill out new forms then and there. When I got up to the service window I discovered that I needed my two forms, two passport photos, my passport, and, something that, like the correct application form, had not been listed on the website, verification of a hotel reservation in China. I cried, I complained, I pleaded with the poor girl who was very uncomfortable with my emotional outburst, but she sent me out onto the streets of Bangkok to figure it out anyway. I found an internet café, made a reservation at the Beijing Hilton, printed out the confirmation, and went back. No problem. Later that afternoon I repeated the race, this time coming in second to pick up my passport (yay me!). Then I went back to the internet café and cancelled my reservation at the Hilton. No harm, no foul.

China itself was fantastic! Mallory collected me at the airport and it was so great to see her. It had been ages and ages, since our graduation, in fact, and we’d both had a lot to share and catch up on. For me, it was also so very cool to be on her turf, to be in a new cultural environment where she could show me the ropes, feed me the food, and also, where we could just hang out.
One of our first adventures was to the Wall. You know, the Great One. It was big. I never understood about the wall. I thought you went and walked up to it and took a couple of pictures and whatever. Apparently, you hike it. I wasn’t really clear about this until we were doing it. We had the option of doing a little bit of it and then backtracking or going a full 30 towers. I can quit. I mean, I’m not a quitter or anything but I know when to say when. But this was very cool and we did, towards the middle, decide to complete the whole hike. I’m glad we did, though I was exhausted by the end of it.

The awesome thing about being a tourist somewhere when you know someone who actually knows something about the place you are, is that you get to see and do stuff you might not otherwise. The Wall was a great example of this. Mallory knew where to go that wasn’t very touristy and where had parts of the wall that had been restored and parts that hadn’t. It was perfect.

Mallory also fed me a lot. Like, a lot. It was really really wonderful.

We saw other stuff, like the Temple of Heaven, and I did some adventuring on my own to the Forbidden Palace and Tiananmen Square, etc. Mal took me shopping for pearls (oooooh!) and for souvenirs, but after Thailand, I found bargaining really stressful. But I think the parks in Beijing will stand out as my favorite thing. People go to parks to do all sorts of things, practice ballroom dancing, play chess and card games, practice calligraphy, anything. And you can go and sit and watch and it’s great. I really loved it. We saw another SLC grad while in Beijing and this was fantastic and really, the whole thing was just a lovefest. I also discovered my new favorite thing, Arrested Development, but that’s a whole other story. I could go on forever.

Mallory was very good at humoring me, martinis, green tea, pizza, hummus, directions in Chinese to whichever place, she was very accommodating and kind about whatever my little heart desired.

The gearing up for the Olympics was pretty incredible, though. There were big countdown clocks everywhere. Apparently, the government has put a huge effort into a propaganda campaign trying to get people to behave in specific ways that are intended to be more accommodating to foreign visitors. People are supposed to do things like not spit and stand in line. In one bizarre incident, Mallory and I saw a bunch of Chinese tourists at the Temple of Heaven discuss how they should make a line for something and then make a line and then yell at someone who tried to cut the line about how they had made a line. Mallory said that a year ago that never would have happened.

Back to Thailand was nice, each time I leave and go home to Umphang it feels more like home. Though this time it wasn’t long before some serious rumblings came up. It was a lot of turmoil, but basically one of our grants got cut and my two housemates and closest friends, supports and…family here in Thailand got laid off. They, some of our administrative staff (who I ADORE) and a portion of our camp staff all, it was announced one terrible day, would be going within a month. This was just very very harsh. Once I see my Katebug off I will go home to Seattle for a couple of weeks to make sure the family knows how I am still and I will return to figure out life in Umphang again. I’m not sure how you can do this work and live in this kind of isolation without support, though. I will do my best to negotiate it.

I suppose this is the nature of this work, people come and go a lot. It’s just the way of things. I think this feels really harsh because it was unexpected. No one knew it was coming so no one is prepared for it. Emotions are running high and those of us (very few of us) staying have no emotional contingency plan in case of our confidantes and friends being sent away.

Anyway, the show will go on one way or another. And that’s all from me for now.

LOVE!

me

The Chili Bomb Diaries: Camp Economies and Cambodia

It’s been ages, I know. I actually don’t remember the last time I wrote one of these. Maybe right after Christmas? Things have been overwhelming and busy and the pressure has been enormous, so after work the last thing I want is to sit down and write something. Usually I just flake out in front of the tv with my housemates. It’s not productive but it feels necessary.

So strange. I’m eating something the secretary gave me which appears to be two cheese crackers with pineapple jelly in between. The way Thai food blends flavors still sometimes makes me stop and reflect. There are no barriers, no faux pas in mixing the four primary tastes of Thai cooking: salty, sour, sweet, and spicy. You can have a sweet and spicy; a sour and salty; sour, sweet and spicy or perhaps the most difficult for a western palate to adjust to, salty and sweet. Not like Kettle Korn salty and sweet, I mean like fish sauce and sugar. Together. Most powerfully in desserts. Frequently with corn. No combination scares me off now but I still have moments when I stop and examine my food, reflecting on the potential marketability for a product or dish in the states. Usually there is no hope.

Work has been going along. Our program is growing so quickly I can’t believe it. We’ve introduced 2 new projects a month for the last 4 months and they’ve been working! This is either the result of hard work on the part of a lot of people or sheer dumb luck on mine. Probably, it’s a mixture of the two. My staff has doubled in the last two months and I’m very happy with the results. Still, the life stories accumulate. Last month I had a woman in my training who has been a refugee in Thailand since the year I was born. This put my work into perspective. One of my new staff is fascinating, she was a bank manager in Rangoon and left to escape the regime with her husband. She is incredible and brings so much to the program because she understands what we’re trying to do and also can think about the context in ways that I can’t. I don’t know how I survived without her.

We now have Yarn Banks in all 3 camps and they are booming beyond our capacity at this point. Through the banks we lend thread for weaving to whoever needs it. They have 2 months to repay and get access to high-quality thread at a low price. Community banking is more complicated with serious trust issues impeding progress. People just aren’t used to putting their money anywhere but in their homes so it’s proving difficult to get people to try it. Business skills training continues at a rate of one training a month and the cross-section of participants is always fascinating. High school kids, business people from Burma, and housewives all congregate to learn about record keeping and how to set a price.

The differences between the 3 camps I work in still blow my mind. In the largest there’s a full-fledged economy complete with the social stratification according to wealth found in the rest of the world. In the second largest the Muslim community dominates the markets. In the Muslim section there is an entire street with shops and restaurants. It looks like any small town in Thailand. The smallest camp, however, has one noodle shop run by an NGO and only a few small scattered shops.

Given that my job is to find ways to empower people economically, I feel very overwhelmed sometimes especially in this time of resettlement. People who have been here for years and years have been living on rations for years and years without really having to work. This is as it should be, but as we gear up for ever larger numbers of people resettling to third countries the situation can feel desperate. People who haven’t worked in years are going to have to make their way in America or Australia or Canada. They are going to have to find apartments and learn English and figure out what to do with their kids during the day. In camp, four babies means four rations. In the states four babies means four mouths to feed and, in the US, four plane tickets to repay to the government after resettlement. Resettlement also reduces people’s interest in contributing to camp life. So many are just waiting to go that they don’t want to work or start to participate in any kind of program, even though they will probably be waiting for months if they get to go at all. As a result, recruiting staff and participants is a very frustrating business these days.

This past weekend was Songkran, a big water festival in Thailand. I took advantage of the 4 day weekend to go to Cambodia. I spent two days wandering around Angkor Wat and the temples around Siem Reap in the kind of heat that is unknown to most Seattleites. One day in Phnom Penh finished up the adventure on a dark note with the primary purpose of the stop being the Tuol Sleng prison museum which documents the Cambodian genocide. It may have just been the heat that made me feel ill, but the experience was horrific. It was frightening. Unlike Nazi concentration camps, which are located out of major urban centers, this place is a converted high school right in the middle of Phnom Penh. It’s complete with the kind of white and orange- checked flooring you’d expect to find in a high school. And I’m not sure what else to say about it, except, maybe, that what I finally learned while walking through that space was that this didn’t happen very long ago. We learn about the holocaust all through our educations in the states, but don’t hear much about other cases of atrocity on a large scale. Even right now, the word genocide gets thrown around in the news all the time and, of course, everyone thinks it’s terrible and should be stopped but how many of us stop to think about what it really means?

Being here, I’m amazed by the variety of hells that exist on earth and the way the world keeps turning in spite of them.

On that uplifting note, I’m going to call this email finished. It’s been a long time since a lot of you have heard from me. I plan to launch a full-scale attack on my address book soon to touch base, but be patient!

The Chili Bomb Diaries: Back to Work, as the Boss

It’s been ages, I hope everyone had pleasant holidays and that the new year, two months old as it is now, has been excellent.

I did go home for three weeks over Christmas. It was restful once I got past the jetlag but my first few days were rough and involved a lot of random naps and a complete meltdown in the linens department of the Bon Marche. I didn’t get to see everyone I wanted to, and I’m very sorry for that but I did get some good quality time with a few and that was really wonderful. I went back for arguably my first proper visit to Holy Names and spoke about my last couple of years’ work to Sister Mary Annette’s seniors. I felt old. One class used a YouTube video for prayer. I don’t know what to say about that.

Anyway, I’ve been back in Thailand for just over a month now and it’s been intense. I moved houses and now live with two great friends and a puppy named for Martha Stewart. It’s very homey and healthy to live outside of the office. The move was prompted by an unfortunate incident with the largest spider I’ve ever seen outside of a zoo. It was huge and hairy and brown and FAST like lightning. I found it hanging on one of my shirts. Horrifying. I couldn’t stay in that house and moved with the guarantee that my new housemates would deal with any beasts found in my living space.

Work has been crazy. The situation here has been becoming increasingly difficult in the months that I’ve been here as more and more Burmese new arrivals are coming into the camps, changing demographics drastically. The ethnic tensions can be fierce, though they rarely become violent, and while they are frustrating to work with, it’s not difficult to understand why the Karen majority feels threatened by the rising numbers of Burmese when the Burmese military is what put them in the camps in the first place.

I’ve been working like a nutcase, the big boss wants to restructure the program completely and this has taken a lot of time and energy. Blah.

Tons of people have been leaving Umphang, which has really changed dynamics. It recently occurred to me that, come March, there will be three of us who have been here for more than 6 months…I’ve become the old guard faster than I expected.

So, basically that’s it. Work work work and challenges galore. I hope everyone out there is happy and healthy. Drop me an email if you get a chance!