The Chili Bomb Diaries: Seattle Summer and Time to Go

So.

I went home to Seattle for two weeks in July. It was a great chance for me to come off of all of the stress of work and everything that happened in the beginning of the month with the layoffs. Of course, going back to the US and back home has its own special kind of stress. Here just going to Mae Sot and walking into the coffee shop over-stimulates me, so Seattle feels like a major shock to my delicate system.

Wonderful news was that I was in town for a friend from high school’s wedding. I hadn’t seen her or a bunch of other people who were there for a long long time, so it was great to go and catch up and it was really fun to get dressed up. I never get to dress up. I was very happy for her and she looked fantastic and she had a gorgeous wedding outside on a lovely, cool, Seattle summer day. Who could want more?

Going back to Thailand was a little frightening. I didn’t know what the dynamic would be like with so few people left in town and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about everything. Turns out, everything was very quiet and, as much as I love Umphang, and as much I thought I wouldn’t be ready to leave it, it became apparent in the first few weeks back from the states that it’s just about time to go. There’s been so much change, but far more importantly, I’ve done what I set out to do. I got the program up and running. I created teams of staff in each camp, I piloted programs, I built offices. And, given my experience and skill set, I think it’s actually probably much better for someone new to come in with a fresh perspective and new energy and carry the ball forward. I’m sad to go. I adore everyone else here, I adore people here in Umphang and I’m going to hate to leave them, but I don’t really see what would be achieved by my staying much longer. I’m going to have to go eventually and now is a very natural time in the development of my program for me to pass the torch.

So, at the end of Ocotber, I will be moving on. First to meditate for 3 weeks in a monastery in Chiang Mai, to learn to deal with my rage, as a friend here used to say (though I’m pretty sure she had no rage whatsoever) then on to Laos and Vietnam for two weeks before going home for the holidays and then on to a new adventure. This life is hard sometimes but also a grand adventure.

In a way, I wish I could stay. I’ve learned so much, and surely that could be useful especially as livelihoods become more important on the border as donors get exhausted and people start looking for ways to close down the camps. Livelihoods will be essential! I’m sure every organization will prioritize them or at least start to think about them more seriously in the next few years, but I could go crazy here waiting for that to happen and it’s more important that I keep learning. I’m more useful to the world that way, I think.

Anyway, I’m sad but it’s time. This is difficult but it’s life.

And with that…until next time,

Mollie