Thinking about Veganism

I became vegetarian about 2 1/2 years ago while living in Thailand. I'd known for a long time that whenever I did take a good look at the impact of my eating habits, I would probably wind up turning veg or would face some sort of crisis around food. It happened.

I was working with Burmese refugees and it occurred to me that I cared a lot about human suffering, but was that it? I gave all of my self every day to working for people and being an advocate. I saw, though, that compassion doesn't choose a cause, compassion is a way of being in the world. Acting mindfully toward other living beings, people and animals; caring for the environment; looking after myself. All of it is intertwined. When I reflected on this one day I realized that I needed to stop eating meat.

Imperfectly the journey began, and it's gotten easier and easier to avoid meat and happily eat everything else the world has to offer.

Just a few days ago I finished "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer. When I started the book, I expected to learn something but I didn't expect to feel driven to change myself. I am, after all, already a vegetarian, right? SO wrong.

I've "slipped" occasionally over the past two years and eaten meat. I've done it to be polite, just because I had a craving, or genuinely by accident. Until very recently I ate eggs and some dairy products. Even as I've been cutting dairy and eggs out of my cooking and grocery shopping, I never ever think twice about it when I'm eating out.

As I sat in bed, with my dog curled up next to me, and read about factory farming I was compelled to turn away from the page in horror and disgust. I knew what the reality is, but I never really made myself look at it. I've been protecting myself from committing to real lifestyle changes that matter. I've done this because it's inconvenient to deviate so much from the norm.

Honestly, now I'm confused. Even staunch advocates discuss the option of being a "selective omnivore" or of doing what you think you can. Do they say that to be inclusive? To avoid alienating people who might make some changes but would be intimidated or alienated by a hardline approach? What is my responsibility? I suppose that's between me and my conscience.

What we eat is an animal welfare issue, a human rights issue, a public health issue, and an environmental issue. I'm not sure that there is any limit to my responsibility. The choices I make matter. If only so that I can sleep at night.

Now, though I'm wondering how much I can do? How far can I go? I think I can give up eggs and dairy for the most part. I can avoid buying animal products for clothing...I think. But what about grain farming practices that are abusive to the ecosystem and farmers? Does that matter? Should I give up soy? How do I make these decisions?

And it's still inconvenient. And that's the truth.

The Grad Student Yogi

Graduate school is throwing my yoga practice for a loop. Which is to say, really, that it's throwing my life into total, patas arriba confusion.

I see my life as my practice. Yoga, Buddhism, Meditation, whatever lens I'm applying in the moment (and they're all the same at the end of the day) provide frameworks for how I try to approach every moment in my life. Walking the dog. Doing the dishes. Studying. Going to class. having feelings. Studying. Eating. Studying. Everything I do I try to do with mindfulness and compassion.

Grad school makes this hard.

Feeling like I'm just barely keeping my head above water all the time has created a situation in which it's very hard for me to hold myself and my struggle with compassion. It's also led to my constantly questioning whether it is really a good idea to "do your best and let it be." How do I know when I'm doing my best? How much sleep or yoga practice or whatever else do I need to miss for my work to be hard enough? And what if it isn't enough?

I suppose, though, I can perhaps shift my practice a little by taking a wider view of my situation. As my Laura taught me, I can pull my perspective back to a broader view of the situation and hold everything with compassion including how hard it is to be kind to myself.

Tim Wise at Tufts

Tim Wise came to speak at school this week and it was awesome.

Coming at a time when I've been grappling with issues of nebulous-but-definitely-there sexism it was very moving/upsetting/comforting to hear him speak.

Wise is an anti-racism writer who I have never actually read. That's not true, I've read articles, but I've never read any of his books. Now I'm going to.

He spoke articulately about institutionalized racism and touched on gender inequity. What I took from his talk is the importance of being aware, upset, informing ourselves, and taking action...What's important?

NOT MAKING EXCUSES AND REFUSING TO PASS THE BUCK

He said that guilt is something we feel because of something we've done, and responsibility is something we take because of the kind of person we are.

Fuck yes, Tim Wise. Preach it.

I came away comforted, knowing now that all of my discomfort around gender issues at Fletcher is completely valid and founded. I was reminded that people like to pretend that these things don't happen and that they don't like to take responsibility. I was inspired because it was confirmed for me that my anger and my desire to create change is a sign of my own character and nothing more or less.