You won't see what you don't want to see

I'm struggling right now with this issue of people not seeing what they don't want to see.

Here in Thailand, a reasearch project was just completed that tells us a lot about the nature of sexual violence in camp. Who it happens to, how, when, why...all of these things. It's been hard to read and talk about as well as very important. My own work has been meant to build on this and expand on our understanding of how livelihoods factors both contribute to sexual and domestic violence as well as how it might mitigate risk.

I have asked more than 30 people about violence and women and I have heard rape come up twice, domestic violence described as "arguing in the family" and that's about it. People just don't have answers to the questions. Whether they don't think about these things the way that I'm presenting them, or if they don't want to tell someone they don't know about them is something I'm unsure of. It has been frustrating, anyway.

Just the other day I became drawn into a situation in the US. Someone reached out in general for help with a sexual assault issue, and I reached back. Am I a social worker? No. Do I know more about sexual violence than the average person? Yes.

A bizarre...I actually shouldn't call it bizarre because it happens all the time, so...disturbing situation was described to me in which a young girl has clearly been assaulted and wound up in the hospital as a result, but her guardians have offered a "she fell down the stairs"-style excuse. What disturbs me is that I wasn't asked for resources, or what to do, I was asked if it made any sense that she would have "fallen down the stairs."

In case no one is paying attention, that's ABSURD.

I offered my opinion on whether it was likely that things had happened the way the guardians said they did, and a slew of resources, I woke up today and, clearly, nothing has been done. I'm jumping out of my skin in frustration and anger. That's a little girl! Who has been hurt! And everyone around her who could possibly help her is content to accept a ridiculous explanation in place of doing something difficult. No one has stepped up in what has certainly been more than 48 hours and said "hey, that's not ok and I don't believe you so I'm going to make a fuss until someone starts paying attention." That little girl is powerless, she may not even understand what's happened to her. She knows it was scary and hurt her, she knows that the adults responsible for her well-being are lying about it. She knows that she's supposed to be ashamed of what happened because no one's giving her space to be hurt and scared and to talk about what's happened, if she's ready. Everyone's too busy covering their own asses or "processing" the experience for themselves.

I say SHAME on everyone involved.

Both of these things reinforce something I have come to believe, that people won't see the ugly or uncomfortable or even heinous things if they don't *have* to. People are really content on some level to turn away and pretend something isn't happening. People are hesitant to name bad things and make them real by talking about them.

I don't know what to say to end this post...I suppose that anyone concerned about any kind of wrong in the world is fighting an uphill battle because people don't even see the hard stuff. And not because it's not there to see, but because they just don't want to.